Live to eat, Eat to live

Susan. 18 years old. From Malaysia, currently living in Perth, Australia. A recovering anorexic mending her relationship with herself and food.
*I am not pro-anything... well, I guess I'm pro-recovery! Feel free to drop something in my ask... I'll try to answer back!

Challenging ED and OCD thoughts

I’ve been trying really hard these past few days to try to analyze irrational disordered behaviours… it’s been hard, but I find that talking it out with my sister and mum really helps because it’s kinda like what I used to do with my psychologist. A fully recovered life seems like such a distant (or even impossible) future that most of the time I get disillusioned by disordered thoughts. That, of course, leads me stuck in a rut, which is exactly what I’m trying to stop. So I’m hoping that talking things through will help me rationalise my thoughts and get me motivated to work towards my goals… so hopefully I won’t have to defer from uni next year to recover in Malaysia for a while.

The onus is on me now, and if my ED and OCD really is all about control and constancy, then I’m hoping that I can use my willpower in a positive way instead and work towards a bright and stable future! The truth is, after all, that I hate my disorders… I just need to be strong enough to challenge them!

finding-jodi:

FINDING-JODI’S GIVEAWAY

This time I thought I’d make it a bit of a surprise and really recovery orientated in order to promote recovery and health.

It will include recovery food items, health items, distractions, letters, books, fun things to do etc :)

Rules

It will end on the 5th October 8pm British time

You can like and reblog as much as you like but only reblogs will count

I will ship worldwide

HAPPY REBLOGGING <3

(Source: life-with-the-maine, via filthy-little-mud-blood)

finding-jodi:

FINDING-JODI’S GIVEAWAY

This time I thought I’d make it a bit of a surprise and really recovery orientated in order to promote recovery and health.

It will include recovery food items, health items, distractions, letters, books, fun things to do etc :)

Rules

It will end on the 5th October 8pm British time

You can like and reblog as much as you like but only reblogs will count

I will ship worldwide

HAPPY REBLOGGING <3

(Source: life-with-the-maine, via filthy-little-mud-blood)

finding-jodi:

FINDING-JODI’S GIVEAWAY

This time I thought I’d make it a bit of a surprise and really recovery orientated in order to promote recovery and health.

It will include recovery food items, health items, distractions, letters, books, fun things to do etc :)

Rules

It will end on the 5th October 8pm British time

You can like and reblog as much as you like but only reblogs will count

I will ship worldwide

HAPPY REBLOGGING <3

(Source: life-with-the-maine, via filthy-little-mud-blood)

I Wish People Understood...

atalebetween:

That eating disorders do not ONLY occur around mealtimes. It’s all day, every day, even in your dreams.

That eating disorders are NOT only about food. With anorexia nervosa you are starved of happiness, love, opportunity, and LIFE.

That anxiety is not JUST about feeling nervous, for me it’s the…

metamorphosisofmeg:

there is NEVER a reason to restrict

you do not need to restrict

your eating disorder wants you to restrict

you are stronger than that

so fight, and win

you can do it

10 Tips to Help You Eat

radiantlyrecover-ed:

  1. Separate your voice from your eating disorder’s voice. Think – what does my ED want me to do today? What do I need to do today to further my recovery?
  2. Recognize what you are already doing right. Make a list of healthy eating habits you are already practicing. Then make a list of unhealthy…

Challenging irrational ED thoughts and rules

I just fought against ED and finished off my French toast (ED was screaming at me to leave a quarter of it just because the whole piece was ‘too much’), but NO, the real Susan was craving it (and that’s why I asked my mum to make it IN THE FIRST PLACE)… so screw you, Ana! I just sucked it up and finished off every single bit. If I don’t start challenging these ED thoughts now and start acting, I’ll only be going around in circles and I’ll be stuck with this disorder forever!

Susan: 1, ED: 0

(P.S. Wish me luck for the rest of the day, cos’ ED always tries to sneak back even more surreptitiously every time I’ve had a victory, and I definitely don’t want ED to have the upper hand in this game by making me restrict! Plus, we’re having fish and chips tonight… Mmmmm =D)

http://earthsdreaming.tumblr.com/post/76438381565/eating-is-something-you-have-to-do

earthsdreaming:

Eating is:

-Something you have to do.

-Something that is fundamental which you need in order for your body to function.

-An essential aspect of living and completely necessary.

-Fuel for your body.

-Normal.

Eating is not:

-A choice.

-A measure of your self worth or self control.

TW update

Read More

Update

So my mum’s just came over from Malaysia again, but for longer ( a few months) this time until uni lets out at the end of the year and I go back with he for the holidays. This, of course, is assuming that I’m managing well with her helping me to prepare food and motivate me etc. and that I can manage to gain some weight… if I can’t, then I’ll probably be going back in a matter of a few weeks.

It’s not so bad, really. This disorder has taken away so much of my life that I just want to focus on recovering an getting as healthy as I can before I focus on anything else in my life. If it means deferring from uni for a year or even longer, I’m prepared. I mean, what’s the use of focusing on everything else if you don’t have health? Truthfully, without health, you won’t even be able to focus, period. Which just means that you’re wasting away even more of your half-life (if you can even count having an ED as having a life).

I guess you can say that I’m on the Maudsley approach right now, and it seems like a reasonable option to me. I really love my mum so hopefully having a more family-based approach will make the path a little smoother. It’s really hard when I have OCD as well, though; my mum’s only been here since yesterday afternoon but already I’ve had a few ‘control’ issues and dramas over her touching and preparing food etc.. However, I am proud to say that I rebounded pretty quickly and have made the conscious decision to try managing my anxiety better the next time I get OCD temptations! My mum can see that I’m trying really hard as well, and she knows that I have the right mindset to recover, so I really want to make the best of this opportunity so my myself and my family can be put out of the misery that anorexia is causing!

I’m contemplating posting up intakes and/or intake pics just to motivate myself, just like lots of you lovelies that I follow… what do you think? I think I’d do it if I can find time between studies and my other activities. Oh well, I’ll try to post again soon (I know I go for long inactive periods!), so bye for now! (PS Dinner was a roasted chicken drumstick with 1/4 cup couscous and steamed broccoli. I’m aimed at increasing my portions bit by bit everyday!)

recoveryisbeautiful:

Keep in mind that food is fuel for your body and you need it to function. Take care of your body and it will take care of you.
You might have to mentally prepare yourself for increasing intake but YOU CAN DO IT!!! It may take you a while to finish eating what you have but just take you’re time, be patient, and breathe. You can do this!
Remember- find the things that work for you and stick to them!!

Food for thought.

metamorphosisofmeg:

Like, literally.

You need food, for thought.

For concentration.

And knowledge.

For brain function.

And life.

Eat, think, live.

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